Home Sweet Home

Just when I thought I was going to go (metaphorically) Lizzie Borden on my parents after living with them for a month, the job gods smiled upon me.
I will be leaving Fairhope for Our Nation's Capital, and as such this blog's market will change yet again. I will be working in TV, so hopefully there will be lots and lots of celebs floating around. My only worry is that I will need the Congressional facebook to figure out who they are. I mean, you've seen one old white man, you've seen them all, right?

Obnoxious Food Network Star Visits Fairhope

I watch Food Network alot. I don't actually cook very much, but I feel highly prepared to based on the number of "30 Minute Meals" I've taken in. I know I shouldn't like Rachael Ray, but I can't really help it. However, I have less tolerance for other Food personalities. Sandra Lee, for example, sucks. She puts store-bought icing on a store-bought cupcake, sticks a dumb flower in it and puts it on her "tablescape." Ridiculous. But even worse than her is Guy Fieri. What a fruit loop. He's like 45 years old and dresses like a gawky teenager from Iowa imitating the West Coast. Armbands, Guy? Really?

Anyway if you've seen "Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives," you'll know that he cruises the country in a super-cool Ford Mustang (douche sign #1) looking for all the best down-home cookin'. Which, of course, brought him to Fairhope. (N.B. One local article called Guy "beefy." I think that's putting it nicely.) Guy and his crack team of food tv-ers visited Panini Pete's, which deserves all the fame it can get. I like the tomato and mozz panini with basil and the balsamic reduction. Also the homemade chips. Also the key lime pie.

Pete himself is quite the character. He rides a Segue and wears a weird chef beret. I'm interested to see how this translates on the show because Guy has a tendency to take over and squelch any other personalities in the immediate area. A shock, I know: the guy with the spiky bleached hair craves attention.

I'm hoping Anthony Bourdain will be perusing the Food Network this Monday at 10/9 Central and will see the quaint charm of our little village, deciding at once to pay us a visit. I would take him to Ivy's, which has an awesome tasting menu paired with various wines, and then for a little cultural flavor take him fish-gigging during a jubilee.

Explanation

Careful and diligent reader, you might have noticed a change in the title and explanation of this blog. That is because I have made a post-college graduation temporary move back to my parents' house in Fairhope, Alabama (hold your applause). Fairhope, in comparison to most other places in Alabama, is pretty ballin'. There is the beach but a relatively small number of trashy beach folk, the country but a relatively small number of trashy country folk, and a high number of quality restaurants. It's no Charleston, but until I get my act together, it will do.

You may be thinking that I should just write off the whole celeb blog since I've left a place that a fairly large percentage of the western world knows about. In actuality, Fairhope is a mini-mecca for artists and writers. Fannie Flagg has a house here, as does Rick Bragg. I even was informed during graduation that BRANGELINA is looking for a house here! Don't believe me? Check out WKRG.

So, all that to say, though I won't be covering Charleston, please check back. You never know when Brad and Angelina will turn up at the Winn-Dixie with one of their multicultural babies, and if that's not newsworthy, I don't know what is.

Bad Weather Not Welcome, Says C of C Almost-Grads

The weather widget on my computer has ominous dark clouds and lightning bolts for the next THREE DAYS. This is not ok. The moment I and my friends have been waiting for, that walk across the Cistern in our white dresses, absolutely HINGES on nice weather. We even learned how to graduate at a rehearsal yesterday, so the natives will be restless if we're instead herded into the North Charleston coliseum. I'm ready to use my knowledge of the graduation procedure.

Discontent with the weather abounds. Facebook statuses (statii?) like, "Sara is not pleased with the three-day forecast," and "James says if it rains I'm suing the College," are rampant. I'm waiting for, "X is pretty convinced God is punishing C of C students for four years of debauchery with sin-cleansing rain on graduation."

Plus, I was hoping for a lovely picnic on Sunday with my fam! Fingers crossed, everyone.

JUSTICE in CHARLESTON

Ladies and gentlemen, brace yourselves.

The North Carolina State Bar Association is in town, gracing Charleston with the greatest legal minds from what happens to be my least-favorite state thanks to an unfortunate bee attack in 1996. But, while they do dress in the most extreme version of douche-prep (this means You, guy with fishing hat tucked in the back of his fishing shorts last night at Beerworks), these lawyers are not celebs.

Except. For. One.

NANCYGRACEISHERE!!!!!

That's right. Recently delivered of what are no doubt space babies, Headline News legal eagle Nancy Grace (tagline: "You want stories. She wants JUSTICE.") is apparently a member in good standing of the bar association and as such is enjoying a vacay with her work colleagues. My fingers are crossed hoping that she hasn't practiced law anytime recently. Like ever.

I was prowling the Marion Square market this morning with a partner-in-crime hoping to spot Ms. Grace, but unfortunately she was nowhere to be seen. My prediction? She got a little tipsy with Extreme Akim at the open bar and...well, you know the rest.

Many thanks to our barista contact for the scoop on the conference at Marion Square. Watch what you say in Starbucks, y'all. The walls have ears.

There is Nothing Wrong with Implants, But...

My family are not celebrities, unless you use a very liberal definition of the term. Maybe if you play 6 Degrees of Kevin Bacon. My dad met Omar Sharif once, who I'm sure acted with K.B., right? Regardless, even then, it would be a stretch. Though they are not celebs, my family was in Charleston today and because of one particularly interesting incident, it warrants a blog post. At least I think it does. But that's all that really matters, isn't it?

So. Jump back to early March, when I went on a vacay with my dad. He was going to an exotic southeast Asian country for work and I was bored so, you know, I went too. One day, I was minding my own business, rubbing the sleep out of my eyes after a between-wine-with-lunch-and-cocktails nap of the sort that only occurs on vacation and in Fitzgerald novels, when my dad hit me with a word-bomb: "So, your mom, um, got a, um, boob job."

Naturally my eyes about popped out of my head and any relaxation that the trip had provided was out the window quicker than you could say "collagen." (Background: my mother is the antithesis of someone who would purchase breasts. She sees absolutely no point in buying clothes because they are from a particular designer, and she regularly mocks me for the cost and variety of my handbags. You don't go from hating on Prada to getting a boob job. It's not done.)

I spent the remainder of the week trying to beat it out of him that he was lying, and even made a very expensive telephone call to my brother to get his take on things. He corroborated the story. I couldn't ask my mom, natch. That would be too awkward.

Upon my return to the U.S. I told basically everyone I know about the alleged boob job, of which I was now convinced. Flash forward to yesterday, when my parents sent me an e-photo of them in Saint Simons, which I promptly blew up as much as possible on my comp in order to examine my mother's breast status. Uncomfortable, but it was my only chance.

The fam arrived this a.m. in Charleston, and I quickly realized I had been punk'd. Ashton Kutcher, listen up, this is a good one. The breasts were as before. I confronted my mother, who was IN ON IT FROM THE START and everyone had a great laugh. Hilarious. Apparently they were calling it "Operation Lampshade."

And they wonder why I moved away.


This blog will return to celebrity coverage as soon as one surfaces.

College Hosts Another Socially-Active Celeb

In a surprising twist, the College of Charleston is hosting former Black Panther, presidential candidate, and FBI's Most Wanted Angela Davis tonight at 7.

Ms. Davis' appearance, along with that of Morris Dees (see previous, overly-excited post), indicates that perhaps they have seen the error of their old ways, i.e. two years ago when Ron Jeremy was the featured speaker. His topic? First amendment rights. I can't talk too much shit because I actually didn't go, but I heard it quickly deteriorated in a Q&A session on his penis size.

Now, if you were C of C and you were going to have a famous (or infamous, depending on your point of view) speaker like Davis, you would think you'd be pumped, and advertise it heavily using many media outlets. Au contraire. Check out the College's website, where the biggest news is Rabbi Epstein's class, which presumably meets every week.

For any interested parties, the talk is tonight at 7 in the Kresse Arena on George Street. Dress is seventies-casual. Ms. Davis will be signing her new book afterwards at a reception which means CATERING!

Sort-of-Celebrity

When I was a pre-teen, or even "tween" as they say now, I loved me some Lifetime. It was so angsty. But since I emerged from the cocoon of puberty as a beautiful butterfly, I have tried to keep my Lifetime viewing to a minimum, and that includes "Unsolved Mysteries" and "Designing Women."
Even without being a regular viewer, I am aware of the show "Army Wives," which apparently tries to document the trials of being a military spouse (mostly a wife, but I think there's a token husband in there too...as a matter of fact, I know there is, and he also serves as the token black character! Lifetime is a careful steward of its resources). I watched a piece of it once, after a friend of mine went to the "Army Wives" party here in Charleston (Imagine the lamest party you've ever been to. Now invite your great-aunt. NOW require jello molds.).
I, being a female of the modern world, have a pretty high tolerance for sexism in the media. I'm conditioned to love it, and to allow it to convince me to buy things like shiny-hair shampoo and a membership to eHarmony. But "Army Wives" was ridic.
I watched 2 scenes. Scene 1:
Man outside with 3 (tiny boy) children "working" on family car. Children proceed to spill oil everywhere and generally fuck things up. Enter wife and pre-teen daughter. Daughter is told to go clean the boys up from their "learning experience" with dad, the purpose of which is to make sure they can take care of their mom while he's gone. Yeahright.
Scene 2:
Token husband talking to wife. He's upset because since she got back from FIGHTING A WAR in IRAQ he's had to sleep on the couch. Apparently intimacy isn't on her to-do list after trying to PROTECT HERSELF FROM GETTING KILLED for the last year or so. Geez!

But I digress. The purpose of this post is actually to note the presence of one of the "Army Wives" castmembers right here in Charleston. According to our working-girl-on-the-scene Rebecca, Richard Bryant was at her law office. I quote: "Richard Bryant (the very adorable, troubled son on Army Wives) was in MY OFFICE THIS MORNING! That's right. 5 exchange street was graced with a cable drama star. He was here visiting his mom, a paralegal. I've heard rumors of his visits but today, I saw it. Live in color. He's so much cuter in person than on tv. and totally not abusive, like his character."

You heard it here first. Unless you talked to Rebecca today. Then, you heard it hear second.

OMG! Morris Dees!!!!!!!!!

Morris Dees was here yesterday!!!!!!!

His appearance was to commemorate the integration of the College of Charleston, which was a mere 40 years ago, embarrassingly enough for the College and the community.

[N.B. The College almost went bankrupt trying to remain a segregated private school, until President Stern came and smacked some sense into the board. However, even now the school is VERY predominantly white, to the detriment of the institution itself and the quality of its education.]

Anyway we are OBSESSED with Morris Dees and the Southern Poverty Law Center (but mostly Morris---you know he's the same age as John McCain, yet twice as foxy)and were so pumped to have him at the College.

Dees spoke eloquently about some of the major problems facing the U.S. today, including the campaign against Latino immigrants by the likes of Lou Dobbs, as well as his previous experiences in the fight for civil rights. He was witty and charming and full of social justice and all the things we hoped for and we could've just eaten him up.

The event was attended mostly by older members of the community and professors, though there was a smattering of students (some of whom apparently thought it was a poetry reading required for their English 101 class---oops!).

Among the students was embattled student body President Whitney Hines, who was recently defeated in her smear campaign against student body VP Seaton Brown, who apparently can be kind of mean sometimes. [Note to President Hines: Listen, sweetie-pie, if Morris Dees stopped to complain everytime a Klan member called him an asshole, the SPLC wouldn't exist. Welcome to life. People are bitches sometimes. Time to move on. That is all.]

In conclusion, the Morris Dees obsession has grown exponentially and there is no sign of it stopping. Will begin baking Constitution-shaped cookies and mailing them to the SPLC hq in Montgomery.

Monk+Michael

Our in-the-know Barista has reported that "Monk" star Tony Shaloub has been frequently patronizing the Starbucks on the corner of King & Calhoun of late. No word on whether he was exhibiting symptoms of germaphobia.

Additionally, Michael Flynn, keyboardist and lead singer for local band Slowrunner was seen shopping at the downtown Harris Teeter this very afternoon. Now there's a shock: a 30-year-old guy in a local band does his own grocery shopping. Don't you have staff for this kind of thing, Michael??? Contents of the shopping list are unknown but we hypothesize Funions and Natty Light. Also maybe one of those calzones in the deli section.

You may remember Slowrunner from City Paper's recent "Best Of" issue in which they won "Best Local Keys-Heavy New Album." Way to go guys, that was a tough category!

Update

Ok we've got the facts.

Currently in production in Charleston, SC, is a Kevin Costner film (yes, he's still in movies) entitled, "The New Daughter." According to IMDB, the plot is basically the classic "family moves to the country and the kid starts to go crazy" bit, explaining why they are filming in the College of Charleston's health services clinic. (Though they should be warned that the clinic is known neither for its promptness nor its outstanding medical services. Hope she's not too crazy.)
We are a little perplexed as why they are filming here in Charleston, especially in light of the screenplay calling for "rural Illinois." Maybe they had to go to the big city to get Crazy Daughter looked at?


This might be one of our favorites genres of film because it really drives home that anywhere with a population per square mile of less than 500 is probably cursed, and as such should be avoided like the plague. Speaking of which, did you see "The Reaping"? A coven of witches in rural (this is key) Louisiana brings back the original biblical plagues, until they are discovered by Sciencewoman and former missionary (there's the twist) Hillary Swank.

Take-home from these movies? If you move to the burbs, you're going to die.

N.B. We only wish that this post had accompanying photos, but the problem with the transfer of camera phone pics to the interweb resurfaced.

RevRun etc.

Please don't take Gawker CHS' absence as a sign that there have been no celebrities in Charleston. Rather, it's a reflection of our trying to plan a future that might even include getting fired for having a blog. Dare to dream...

Regardless, we're back in a big way.

Item #1: According to an anonymous source* RevRun himself was on the CHS-LGA flight Sunday, returning from his performance with Kid Rock. We don't want to judge, but seriously Rev? Kid Rock? WWJD?

Item #2: Production trailers and dangerous-looking lighting equipment abound on the College of Charleston campus as we speak, impeding traffic and confusing students. After extensive googling and even a text to our source at the City Paper, no information was obtained. Could be another season of Lifetime's "Army Wives," which was filmed here last year. Surprisingly, it looks like last summer Lifetime was threatening to leave Charleston because of---this is shocking---a newly-enacted policy that limits the rebates that out-of-state actors can get while working in SC. We have to protect that lively community of South Carolinian actors, y'all.
All the production signs point to offices in Randolph Hall, the allegedly-painted-with-ox-blood-but-really-not building that houses the president's office on campus. It is picturesque, but it begs the question, "What would army wives be doing in an office building?" More likely this is a period piece, right? "The Patriot 2: The War of 1812"?
We'll keep you posted as soon as we finish trying to infiltrate the set.

Would've posted a pic of all the hubbub but honestly we are daunted by the prospect of sending phone pictures to the interweb.


*We still believe in them even if conservatives suddenly think they're somehow unreliable when they break an unpleasant story about sex and old-as-dirt Johnny Mac---digression: we know this allegation can't be true because he's married to some sort of Stepford Wife that could no doubt be reprogrammed if he finds her suddenly displeasing, which is way easier than seducing lobbyists (known for their heartlessness).

Spring Street No Longer Safe

After South Carolina's primary election, Gawker CHS expected a bit of a down-turn in celebrity sightings. No longer were candidates and their posses throwing themselves at our feet, begging for attention from "key" demographics like college students and black women.

How wrong we were.

Today, at approximately 6:00pm, EST, we spotted America's (Least Favorite) Mayor. That's right: Rudolph Giuliani himself.


The place? Spring Street. Right next to T&L's. (Don't be all Mount Pleasant like you don't know where that is.) Our attention was initially drawn to his white Mercedes SUV thanks to the Bush-Cheney 04 sticker on the back window. We pondered the likelihood of anyone actually having the balls to sport that particular display of affection, and their our minds were blown. Rudy Guiliani (or, in all fairness, a Rudy-lookalike, we only got a cursory look) was driving said SUV, flooring it, no doubt, to get to the nearest watering hole to watch the Giants.

Is it even funny anymore to talk about how much he says "9/11"? No? Didn't think so.

EXTREME AKIM!

Last night, Gawker CHS encountered one of Charleston's own home-grown celebs: Akim Anastopoulo. That's right folks, Extreme Akim himself was partying it up in Upper King's classiest establishment, Charleston Beerworks, around 10:00pm, with a woman who was presumably his wife.

Looking ever-so-judicial in a dark brown fleece, Akim laughed it up with some pals over by the pool table. Gawker CHS was alerted to Akim's presence when one of our cub reporters announced in an awestruck voice that he had just given up his pool table to Extreme Akim! Ahh, the many benefits of fame.

Gawker CHS was out and about in the company of one Aussie who noted haughtily that Australians watch Judge Judy, etc., "ironically, to get a taste of what Americans are like." Burn. Australia 1, America 0.

Bully Pulpit?

Well-coiffed Democratic candidate John Edwards was on the College of Charleston campus last night for a rousing rally that in theory was part of the Bully Pulpit series.

For those not familiar with the College of Charleston's Bully Pulpit series, let Gawker CHS enlighten you. C of C's communications department has hosted what is, in theory, a series that brings presidential candidates from both parties to campus to discuss, and we quote, "...such topics as the frequency of press conferences, the candidate's relationship with journalists, and the power of the president to persuade." Unquote. We think this is a tremendous idea. Well done, C of C. Republican candidates Ron Paul and John McCain both answered students questions during their appearances earlier in the year, but as the election cycle heated up, things turned ugly.

Senator Barack Obama's appearance in the College's Cistern Yard several weeks ago was the turning point for the Bully Pulpit-ing, which went from informative and neutral to INCREDIBLY biased in two shakes of a Persian kitten's tail. Gawker CHS had the good fortune (not to mention patience---the line was redic) to witness this historic occasion, and without further ado, we present our case as to why we think the College's behavior was inappropriate:

Exhibit A. Video of the event on C of C's website. Check it out. There's yelling, there's cheering, there's signage, there's general discontent at the length of Senator John Kerry's speech.

Exhibit B. There was not ONE question from the audience taken during the Obama event.

Exhibit C. Obama did not at any point discuss, "the frequency of press conferences, the candidate's relationship with journalists, and the power of the president to persuade." Nada. Nothing at all. What did he discuss? (Two guesses.) Ok, who guessed change and hope? You did?! Y'all are geniuses. We mean that.

In conclusion, when the good people that are CNN's viewers and the New York Times' readers checked out the news, all they saw was the campus touting Senator Obama's candidacy. This was, basically, a campaign endorsement by the College of Charleston. Maybe Gawker CHS was unaware of a homecoming-band-style vote that took place to determine this move, but we're pretty sure no one polled the audience.

We digress.

The real heart of the matter is that this bastardization of the Bully Pulpit was perpetuated last night at the Edwards rally. Gawker CHS understands that like all celebs, presidential hopefuls have a tight schedule. But if the rumors are true and Senator Obama's campaign refused to come to the College in any other forum except a rally, then we should be truly peeved, if for no other reason than it opened the door for the Edwards campaign to make better use of its audience, rally-style, than follow the rules.

We know we're grumpy, but come on, C of C. You're given the Golden Ticket of Colleges: the chance to have presidential candidates hang out on our campus. And what do you do? You blow it. You let them walk all over you. College of Charleston, you are like that maid that Naomi Campbell threw a phone at.

Go to your room and think about what you've done to the next generation of American voters.

Brush with Greatness

Gawker CHS had a very promising tip that Tony-award winner Ellen Green and larger-than-life Rosie sibling Assemblyperson Danny O'Donnell would be stumping behind the Addlestone Library on the C of C campus today. Your intrepid reporter braved the cold to see what's what, and sure enough the celebs were there. However, the event, it could be said, was sparsely attended.

So sparsely in fact, that the Powers That Be from the Hillary Clinton for President campaign decided to make better use of their on-hand star power, abandoning the event and parading them through the surrounding neighborhoods, leaving disgruntled College officials behind to schlep 50 or so chairs and a lectern back from whence they came.

(N.B. If Gawker CHS lived on, say, Morris Street, and a woman in an Inuit hat came to our door saying she had won a Tony, we would say, "Sure you did," and then conclude that she was a crazy homeless. Ditto for Assemblyman O'Donnell. Frankly, your sister scares us. Just being honest.)

Now. You should be aware that Gawker CHS has seconded the emotion of the Old Gray Lady and endorsed Senator Clinton for the Democratic nominee. (Who for the Repubs? Ron Paul. We <3 blimps.) We like her a lot. Like, more than a friend. HOWEVER. Gawker CHS does not appreciate being thrown to the proverbial wolves by the Clinton Campaign mere days before our primary election. It feels a little like when Rose lets go of Jack's hand and he sinks to his icy grave.

This is Charleston, not a Florida retirement home or a Queens community college. Broadway starlets and assemblymen won't cut it here. Frankly, we don't really know what an assemblyman does. Assembles, obvy, but other than that we're stumped. So, for your next celebrity appearance, here's some suggestions: Beyonce. Jim from The Office. Literally anyone under 50.

Please, Hillary, it's not for us; it's for the future of America.

Big Day

Not to be an overzealous poster, but we have a lot to catch up on.

First:
Mr. Bingley himself was spotted at the corner of Morris and Coming Streets on 22 January. British actor Simon Woods +1 were canvassing the neighborhood for the Hillary Clinton for President campaign, and doing a damn good job of it if Gawker CHS has anything to say about it. Apparently Woods went to "uni" as they call it on that side of the pond with one Chelsea Clinton, which brings us to...

Second:
A less-awkward-than-we-remembered Chels on the College of Charleston campus, shaking hands and reminding dazed students to vote on Saturday. The highlight of the event? That would be the (male) member of the C of C "press corps" taking off his oversized white sunglasses long enough to suggest a possible question for Chelsea: "Ask her, like, what her favorite room was in the White House or whatever." Probing and eloquent. How do you do it, George Street Observer?

WELCOME!

So here it is. Gawker CHS has joined the teeming masses yearning to breath free in cyberspace.

This is a blog that fills a deep abiding need: the need to report celebrity sightings in Charleston, South Carolina, United States of America. (If you're laughing at this point you should reference the blog description. We are totally. serious. There are tens, nay hundreds, of blog-worthy celebs wandering our streets at any given moment. You have been warned.)

This is not a fluff blog to talk about our man problems (As if there were any. I mean have you met Gawker CHS?), etc. It's all business, folks. If you can't handle it, check out this guy. I hear he's great for a laugh.

So let's get down to it, shall we?

Rules:
1. Mayor Joe Riley counts as a celebrity.
2. Byron does not count as a celebrity.
3. Most likely, you are not a celebrity.
4. If you have read rules 1-3 and still think you've seen a celebrity in Charleston, South Carolina (not WV, people), feel free to offer up that information to the celebrity sighting gods.


Enjoy!