Brush with Greatness

Gawker CHS had a very promising tip that Tony-award winner Ellen Green and larger-than-life Rosie sibling Assemblyperson Danny O'Donnell would be stumping behind the Addlestone Library on the C of C campus today. Your intrepid reporter braved the cold to see what's what, and sure enough the celebs were there. However, the event, it could be said, was sparsely attended.

So sparsely in fact, that the Powers That Be from the Hillary Clinton for President campaign decided to make better use of their on-hand star power, abandoning the event and parading them through the surrounding neighborhoods, leaving disgruntled College officials behind to schlep 50 or so chairs and a lectern back from whence they came.

(N.B. If Gawker CHS lived on, say, Morris Street, and a woman in an Inuit hat came to our door saying she had won a Tony, we would say, "Sure you did," and then conclude that she was a crazy homeless. Ditto for Assemblyman O'Donnell. Frankly, your sister scares us. Just being honest.)

Now. You should be aware that Gawker CHS has seconded the emotion of the Old Gray Lady and endorsed Senator Clinton for the Democratic nominee. (Who for the Repubs? Ron Paul. We <3 blimps.) We like her a lot. Like, more than a friend. HOWEVER. Gawker CHS does not appreciate being thrown to the proverbial wolves by the Clinton Campaign mere days before our primary election. It feels a little like when Rose lets go of Jack's hand and he sinks to his icy grave.

This is Charleston, not a Florida retirement home or a Queens community college. Broadway starlets and assemblymen won't cut it here. Frankly, we don't really know what an assemblyman does. Assembles, obvy, but other than that we're stumped. So, for your next celebrity appearance, here's some suggestions: Beyonce. Jim from The Office. Literally anyone under 50.

Please, Hillary, it's not for us; it's for the future of America.